Eric Nelson

SPORTS NUGGETS: NFL predictions from my crystal football

Print this entry

By Eric Nelson
September 7, 2017
GAMEDAY GOLD

 

MINNEAPOLIS -Sports Nuggets from the Land of Lakes...

•Shield Predictions: I have looked into my crystal football and see these 10 things happening in the 2017 NFL season:

  1. – After exhaustive research of birth records in his hometown of San Mateo, CA, the US Census Bureau announces that New England Patriots QB Tom Brady is 30, not 40. Brady’s freakish ability to defy age fostered the research…
  2. – Brady and Patriots owner Robert Kraft immediately dispute the USCB’s report and hint that it is part of a smear campaign led by Commissioner/dictator Roger Goodell
  3. – The intense dislike between Cincinnati and Pittsburgh reaches new heights in their two games. Bengals-Steelers becomes so acrimonious that Floyd Mayweather and Connor McGregor speak out against the carnage…
  4. – The Minnesota Vikings – desperate for quality offensive lineman – coax HOF legends Randall McDaniel and Ron Yary out of retirement…
  5. – Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones begs, pleads and even tries bribery to get Ezekiel Elliott’s six-game suspension reduced. But, Goodell doesn’t budge and Zeke sits…
  6. – The Alt Right adopts the Washington Redskins as their favorite team and applauds the franchise for keeping the controversial nickname, but does a quick 180 and disavows any ties to the Redskins after they sign QB Colin Kaepernick
  7. – Miami’s Jay Cutler finds football bliss in South Florida and leads the Dolphins (who have the coolest uniforms in the NFL) to the playoffs…
  8. – The Chargers barely move the meter in Los Angeles and wind up getting less attention than Crenshaw High’s football team. As a result, LA begs San Diego to take back the Chargers and the Clippers…
  9. Randy Newman’s 1983 hit song, I Love LA is banned from the radio airwaves in St. Louis and San Diego…
  10. – Seattle’s Blair Walsh kicks a walk-off winning field goal against New England in overtime as the Seahawks wins Super Bowl LII in Minneapolis 24-21…

 

Print this entry